Journey Of Parenting - Kidnectivity

Parenting Headquarters

A good place to start to affect your child’s behavior and decrease parenting stress is pausing… pause for a moment to breathe and take inventory of our own lives.

As Ferris Bueller says…“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.”

Effective parenting helps children develop:

We couldn’t agree more. Yes, life is fast, and we are frequently on the surviving and reacting track. This track may be needed for the world we live in, but is not beneficial for our general health nor does it help us parent. It’s hard to connect and teach our children how to self regulate if we ourselves are on autopilot or moving 100 miles an hour.Take time for yourself, do what you need to do to be ready and able to connect with your child on a regular basis.
This could be as small as:
- Connecting with your breath or counting before responding
- Taking breaks to reflect (i.e., walk, bath, coffee, etc..)
- Socializing with friends
- Prioritizing exercise
- Doing yoga or meditation apps and/or classes
- Practicing mindfulness activities
- Anything you can think of that fills your bucket or places money in the metaphorical emotional bank

With a little “money in the bank” we can begin building a safe home base for our kids. The Self-Driven Child touches on this idea, “For children who are stressed at school or in other parts of their lives, home should be a haven, a place to rest and recover. When kids feel deeply loved even when they are struggling, it builds resilience.” It is here in our safe house that we begin the first steps in effective parenting …co-regulation.

Co-regulation is the loving interaction from an adult that provides the support, guidance, and modeling children need to grow and learn. When your child begins to have a meltdown or is already in the thick of things, it is our job to share our calm, instead of joining their chaos. Co-regulation grows a deep connection that helps your children “freely, even enthusiastically, cooperate when they believe we are on their side.” Dr. Laura Markham, Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kids.

References:

Artuch-Garde, R., González-Torres, M. D. C., de la Fuente, J., Vera, M. M., Fernández-Cabezas, M., and López-García, M. (2017). Relationship between resilience and self-regulation: a study of Spanish youth at risk of social exclusion. Front. Psychol. 8:612. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00612

Benson, K. (2021). The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science. The Gottman Institute. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-relationship-ratio-according-science/

Shanker, S., & Barker, T. (2016). Self-reg: how to help your child (and you) break the stress cycle and successfully engage with life. New York: Penguin Press.

Siegel D. & Bryson, T. (2016). No Drama Discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam.

Porges, S. (2011). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe.

Resources:

Website:

Parenting & Emotion Coaching

Parenting Support

Videos:

Virginia Satir on Raising Children Who Value Themselves

Article:

Frontiers | Relationship between Resilience and Self-regulation: A Study of Spanish Youth at Risk of Social Exclusion

How to Bond with Your Child by Sharing Fondness and Admiration

Parent Child Relationship, Why its Important