Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a one-size fits all answer to the question, “What should I do to help my child?” Since we are all unique individuals with different needs, strengths and areas of concern, this does not exist. Through becoming parent detectives, understanding your needs as a parent, and trial and error while implementing strategies you can figure out the best solutions for your family.

Do you remember on Page 3 the different factors that contribute to behaviors? To shift the behavior we need to identify which factors are contributing to behavior. Let’s go through each of the factors to problem solve how we could address a behavior most effectively.

3-5 examples for each section

• Basic needs such as sleep, nutrition, and overall health directly affect behavior and need to be taken into account.
  - If their basic needs aren't met, that is what you need to address first!
  Set yourself, and your child, up for success. Have snacks, a water bottle, and fidgets/sensory toys  available for your child when you’re out and about. Possibly more than one activity in a day is too much for your child. It’s okay to decline a playdate invitation if your child already attended a birthday party or had a soccer game that  same day. 

• Personality and temperament is unique to everyone. While some children might jump right into a new situation, others need time to watch and observe. 

Understand the way your child responds to unique/novel situations 

Giving your slow to warm up child extra support instead of rushing them off to play… Validate emotions and encourage them to join the party, playdate, etc when they are ready

Some children are less adaptable to transitions, new situations or changes in routine. Allow for previews or narrate what’s going to come next or countdowns. It’s also helpful to include the child if possible to determine when it’s time to move to the next activity, such as “Should we go down the slide 2 or 3 more times before we need to leave the park?” Some children benefit from visual cues as well as verbal ones.

• Past experiences, whether positive or negative, affect your child’s behavior. For every one negative experience and/or feeling, it takes multiple positive ones to counteract the impact it has on the child. 

Both conscious and unconscious experiences 

How past experiences affect the nervous system and how you respond to similar experiences in the future

• Motivation matters, for us and our children. The more motivating the task is, the easier it is to engage our children.

GIving children some control over their decisions and activities can boost their (intrinsic) motivation; taking ownership of a task 

Do we want to include resilience and growth mindset re: discussion of motivation/frustration tolerance?? 

Bribes and rewards are okay in one-off situations, however doing so on a regular basis can lead children to think they’ll get rewards for doing things they’re expected to do

• Individual skills and developmental level must always be taken into consideration when assessing our child’s behavior. We must identify if the child has the skills to be successful with the task, if they do not then the expectation is too great. 

Developmentally appropriate expectations 

Keep expectations of our children’s behavior in line with their developmental skills. This allows us to be less frustrated because we understand it’s a part of their developmental journey(?). Instead of becoming frustrated, we can support the child through challenging behaviors rather than disciplining them for such behaviors. 

It’s easy to get frustrated with behaviors when we’re expecting too much of a child.

“Children do well if they can.” (Ross Greene) Lagging skills?

Don’t just go off chronological age or compare to your child’s peers/classmates 

We need to align our expectations with our child’s developmental stage (and sensory profile)
It can sometimes be exasperating when you know a child possesses a skill, such as putting on socks and shoes, but can’t or refuses to while you’re trying to rush out the door to get to school. They’re brains are too stressed(?)/overwhelmed to recall/complete the task at that moment. It;s somewhat like the idea that we know how and possess the skill to remain calm and take a pause when we’re frustrated by our child, but just can’t recall our strategies in that stressed moment. 

• Emotions are a significant factor that affects behavior at any age. Managing emotions is hard for both adults and children! By frequently discussing our emotions in everyday situations we begin to explore and understand them. 

Emotional intelligence

Emotion coaching

• Sensory systems that take in and interpret information from our environment and body, influences our behaviors and how we interact with the world. Individual sensory differences (sensitivities, preferences, and challenges) need to be respected and accounted for. See the next section for more information on the sensory systems.