We all know what it feels like to lose our cool, resulting in poor, impulsive decisions and actions …this is the same for our children! When we lose control, we become dysregulated, and we do not have access to all parts of our logical and reasoning brain. Our logical brain goes offline, making it difficult to communicate and learn.
Dr. Daniel Siegel (2012) uses the analogy of an upstairs and downstairs brain to explain what is accessible in states of regulation versus dysregulation. When we are dysregulated, we are in our downstairs brain, and it makes it hard for us to communicate, handle frustration, calm down, adjust to change, and be ready to learn (Child Mind Institute, 2016). In this state we cannot effectively discipline our children, nor can our children effectively change their behavior.
As we calm down (self-regulate), our upstairs brain (prefrontal cortex) can use reasoning rather than react impulsively. Dr. Stuart Shanker, author of Self-Reg states, “Self-regulation is about identifying the causes and reducing the intensity of impulses and, when necessary, having energy to resist. … It is what makes self-control possible-or, as often happens, unnecessary.” (Shanker, 2016).
Self-regulation varies daily and needs to be modeled, observed, taught, and practiced. To address behavior and regulation with our children, begin by asking “why is my child behaving this way?”. Asking “Why” drives us to put our detective hats on while we investigate all the contributing factors that affect regulation and behavior.
Current
References:
Pietro, S. (2016). How Can We Help Kids With Self-Regulation? Child Mind Institute; Child Mind Institute. https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/
Shanker, S., & Barker, T. (2016). Self-reg: how to help your child (and you) break the stress cycle and successfully engage with life. New York: Penguin Press.
Siegel, D. & Bryson, P. H. D. T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child. Random House.
Tough, P. (2012) How Children Succeed, Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Resources:
Emotions Worksheets for Children | Therapist Aid
12 Self-Regulation Strategies for Young Children | Heart-Mind Online
8 Guided Meditation Apps for Kids | Understood - For learning and thinking differences
Emotional Regulation | Reading Rockets
Books:
The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
PDF:
Refrigerator Sheet: The Whole-‐Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne
Websites:
Self-reg.ca - Dr. Stuart Shanker
Mental Health Coping Skills for Parents - Healthy Minds
How Can We Help Kids With Emotional Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation in children & teenagers
Videos:
Why Practicing Can Help with Emotional Regulation
Sesame Street- Mediation Skills
Articles:
Why Self-Regulation Is the Most Important Thing in the World
The Development of Self-Regulation across Early Childhood - PMC